Anxiety

 A few years ago, I went on Lexapro, an SSRI.  What is an SSRI?  Well, I am glad you asked. It is a selective seratonin reuptake inhibitor.  Say that ten times fast!

It was honestly LIFE CHANGING.  I have been anxious for as long as I can remember, seriously. I was anxious at the age of four. I remember it.  Lexapro dialed down my anxiety to a reasonable level to the point that I feel distressed when things really are bad, but I don't have this constant underlying agitation.  It seems pretty obvious to me that we have a genetic thing for low seratonin levels.

Unfortunately, I have had an uptick in my anxiety levels.  Ever since I got back from St. Croix, I have been struggling.  I think it is just LIFE.  We have had so much going on and I don't like it.  I don't like lots of doctor appointments. I don't like running off every single day here and there.  I don't like a messy house because I am not around enough.

Good things are spurring on my anxiety too.  We launched another book (see previous post) which is awesome and fun, but it is one more thing on our plates. Isaac is taking 13 credits at a local community college and I have to take him to labs on Thursday afternoons.  I am so proud of him; he is a real self starter and is doing things on his own.  It is awesome.  It is just one more big thing.

Lydia is working full time now so is not around at all during the days Monday through Friday.

Naomi has a lot going on; she is trying to buy a car and is planning to move out soon.

I feel like there are 23 balls in the air that are constantly moving and I am trying to keep them all off the ground.  Our younger 3 have been particularly clingy and/or grumpy and/or combative.  Mom and Dad disappearing for a week to St. Croix was probably a bit unnerving. 

Anyway, I will survive. It is interesting that I can feel my increase in anxiety.  If it doesn't go back down, I may kick up my Lexapro intake a bit (under a doctor's direction -- I see her in a week or so and will discuss it.)  Right now I am at a pretty low dose so I have wiggle room to go up.

I know that I can trust Jesus.  It isn't that I don't trust him.  It isn't that I feel terrible things are going to happen. It is this feeling that there is too much to do and I don't have enough time to do it.  It is stressful.  

I don't really know why I am writing this except I want to encourage people that anxiety is real and sometimes medication helps and sometimes more sleep helps.  Sometimes prayer helps. Often the solution is a bunch of things.