A Few Thoughts on Nursing

  If I wanted a little mental stimulation, I could figure out how many months and years I've been breastfeeding a baby. Quite a few, given that we have 8 children and I've nursed them all.

  Breastfeeding is truly one of God's miraculous gifts to mankind.  God has created breastmilk with an amazing array of components to bless a little baby.  Breastfeeding also helps a new mother by stimulating uterine contractions, reducing the risk of breast cancer, and helping her get back to pre-pregnancy weight.

 Both Kevin and I fully expected that I would breastfeed all our children.  We never really considered bottle feeding from birth. I am guessing that both of us were influenced by our mothers, who breastfed us as infants. That fact may not seem like a big deal but I am 42 and Kevin is 41, and when we were born in 1969/1970, breastfeeding wasn't NEARLY as in vogue as it is today.

 My mother-in-law tells me that she was isolated in a special room at the hospital because she chose to nurse her children, and the hospital personnel didn't want to freak out the "normal" mothers, who bottle fed.

My mother tells me that the nursery staff where I was born did not support breastfeeding, and did crazy things like feeding me bottles in the nursery and refusing to bring me to my mother when I was hungry.  It's a surprising that my mom was able to establish nursing given those circumstances!

With all this enthusiasm about breastfeeding, it may come as a surprise for me to say that I have some ambivalence about the whole experience.

Why?

Because breastfeeding can be hard.

When Naomi, our first, was born, I had taken a breastfeeding class but of course it was completely new to me.  She was SO TINY.  She was born full term but was only 5 lb, 15 oz.  When she tried to latch on, it was difficult for her.  I also had a physical problem that made latching difficult, and didn't know enough to check for it. If I had, I could have worked on the problem.  With later pregnancies, I prepared before birth so the baby would have a better chance of latching on.

 We really didn't have nursing established when I left the hospital.  It was winter and she was tiny and I was hormonal and it took a good week or 2 before she was nursing well. I think if I hadn't been so out of it, I might have given up and turned to formula because she wasn't gaining weight well. But I was determined that we were going to breastfeed and could not wrap my mind around the idea of quitting, and eventually things smoothed out.  She really was fine, and of course I am glad I breastfed her!  Actually, newborns often don't gain weight well and that is OK!  But I think if I'd really thought through her slow weight gain it would have scared me more than it did.

I nursed Naomi for close to 11 months, though the last couple of months she was getting some formula occasionally.  When I weaned her, I was 2 months pregnant with Lydia.

That pattern repeated itself pretty well through our 4th child.  I would nurse exclusively for at least  4 to 6 months, then add solids, and wean at some point.  Our 3rd child went a full year and as usual, I was pregnant with the next baby when I weaned him.

Joseph, our 4th child, was our first C-section, and I was pregnant with him when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes.  After delivery, my body did not return to normal and I had to accept that I was diabetic.  That meant a fairly dramatic dietary change.

I don't know if my dietary changes or age were factors, but starting with Joseph I had milk supply problems. I had to wean the next 4 children at 7  months, 6 months, 10 months, and 9 months, respectively.  I would just dry up between 6 and 10 months, though I tried to drink plenty of fluids. Sarah, our 7th baby, was "happily starving" from 6 to 9 months. I took her to a well child checkup at 9 months and discovered she had gained only a little more than a pound in 3 months.  She was sleeping well at night and seemed happy, so I just didn't know.  But when I started supplementing with formula, she ate like crazy. Poor little lady...

So now I have a 3 month old son who is a big eater.  I am mentally preparing myself that I probably won't be able to nurse him past 6 months. In fact, I've started supplementing one afternoon nursing session with formula because I can tell he just isn't getting that much.  When he has enough milk, he sucks, then swallows, sucks, then swallows.  Some afternoons he sucks and sucks and sucks and finally swallows.  I just don't have much milk at that time of the day.

All this is quite frustrating. I've had other friends with milk supply problems, and they were frustrated too. And then I've had precious friends who had an abundance of milk.  One sweet friend tells me she had SO much milk that in addition to nursing her baby exclusively, she pumped a bunch and filled a freezer. Can I just say, WOW!!

 Why am I bringing all this up?  Well, I am a big believer in acknowledging truth.  And the truth is that nursing can be easy, and it can be hard.  Nor do I think that breastfeeding is the "be all and end all" of being a good mother to a baby. Yes, it is REALLY good for the baby. If you can breastfeed, please do. But sometimes life intervenes. Sometimes there are health issues that result in the mother not having enough milk.  Sometimes the baby just cannot get the hang of it. Sometimes nursing is agony for the mother for some reason.   

  I have had ardent proponents of breastfeeding get upset with my attitude about nursing. I think their fear is that if someone is ambivalent about breastfeeding, they will probably give up. And there MAY be some truth to that.  But I don't think we should beat ourselves up if it just doesn't work out as well as we'd like.  I wish I had more milk.  After 4 times in a row of not making it close to the baby's first birthday, I'm realizing I won't be able to nurse Daniel to a year.  It's just not going to happen. I'm going to rejoice in still being able to feed him almost exclusively, I'm going to drink a lot, I'm going to rest when I can, I'm going to pray, and I'm going to go to 100% formula when the time is right.