Mid December

 

We had quite a snow on Saturday, and then the temps dropped. Right now it is Monday morning and seven degrees, up from close to 0 last night. BRRRRR!

We had two kids working on Saturday and both had to drive home through a snowstorm. One was Angela, who is a very new driver. She made it just fine, and I am so thankful!

Big news! Isaac has accepted an offer for an engineering job!  We are very excited and happy for him. The job is about an hour away from us, so he will need to find an apartment. The start date is late January so he has about a month to get organized and moved.

Joseph is also apartment hunting but his job is close to us so he needs an apartment nearby. The boys were considering living together but with Isaac's new job, that won't be happening, which is totally fine. Both boys will be making enough that they can comfortably live alone.

Neither big boy has any debts. We were able to pay for Isaac's college without needing debt either for him or us. I have opinions about college loan debt. First, yes, it is necessary sometimes. Second, universities have been jacking up tuition prices crazily for decades and I think the ready influx of money through student loans is part of the problem. Universities haven't had any reason to be careful with money when loans are so readily available. And then the poor students, who were young and financially stupid in their late teens and early twenties, find themselves having to pay back huge loans, which is really hard on them.

There has been this big fuss about nursing degrees being shifted away from "professional" to something else... nurses have been screaming about how the Trump admin is evil for saying nursing isn't a profession.

Of course nursing is a profession. Everyone knows that. Everyone I know admires nursing as a profession. Very hard job! The question is weather a nurse should be able to borrow over 100K to get a nursing degree. Nurses often make good money but wow, 150K is so much!

Social work is also admirable and doesn't pay well, and young people with social work degrees should REALLY think about loans and how they will affect them in the future.

It will be very odd having the big boys out of our house, but it is also a good step in their journey toward full adulthood. There are so many things we are taking care of that they don't have to think about -- soon they will have to determine what to cook and when to grocery shop and all that stuff.

A few comments on health problems of my own: my plantar fasciitis has popped up again and I am wearing my boot at night. My foot is better than it was a week ago, so that is good. Still hurts some.

Mostly I am in fine shape for a 56 year old, but there is a little of this and a little of that bugging me. I am grateful for padded boots and doctors.

End of September

 It finally got cooler. Last week was in the mid to high 80s. This week it is in the 70s which feels really good. Also, we got a bunch of rain after weeks of no rain. The green beans are still producing and will probably be happier with cooler weather and more rain, which makes me happy.

I love green beans so much. So yummy!

I did drop my Lexapro some weeks ago, and I am feeling it. I have lost a little weight, which is nice. My anxiety isn't horrible, but it is definitely higher than it was. I THINK it is probably the Lexapro change that is causing higher anxiety.

Or not. I don't like uncertainty and right now there is a great deal. I have three kids job hunting, and it is stressful. When the children were very young, I could solve their problems. I could give them baths and feed them and kiss them and I could give them medicine if they were sick.

Now they are young adults and are venturing out on their own. They are making phone calls and receiving phone calls and making choices about this and that and the other.  Which is SO good. We can be supportive and provide guidance, but they have to make their own choices. It is all good.

But certainly as a parent it isn't easy either!

I have also still been struggling with grief over Charlie Kirk's death. Again, I am aware that worse things have happened in the sense of school shootings in elementary and high schools where there are multiple fatalities.

As I said in the last blog post, I am careful not to delve too deeply into those things because I don't need that additional fear in my life about my own dear children.

Charlie Kirk's death has been the cause of rejoicing by a lot of people, which makes me very sad. Political violence is never the right answer.

Melissa Hortman and her husband, the former a Minnesota Democratic legislator, were murdered by a horrible evil person in June of this year. That is equally tragic to Charlie's murder.

Lots of people we follow on line -- conservatives with whom we agree -- were close friends to Charlie Kirk, and they are mourning.

Also, I don't think anyone with two brain cells and any degree of honor rejoices in the deaths of kids in school, and the murder of the Hortmans.

And yet, there are all these people lying about Kirk and his words and saying it is good he is dead, and saying that they wish his wife was taken out next so their children can be raised by "good" liberals who will raise them to hate their parents. I actually did see someone say that.

It is sickening. The truth is I need to stop looking at stuff like that, of course. And I will. No more. Lots of people are entirely sensible on both sides of the aisle, and most people did come out against the celebration of the assassination.

But it is still sad and frankly outraging to me. I am a scientist by training and know that in order to make good analysis about a person, you need to take their words in context. And they don't. They don't. They take little snippets of Kirk's words and paint him as an evil person.

Not that HE cares. He is in Heaven with Jesus.

So yeah, I need to just let God be God and pray for healing in our land. It is sad, and lots of people we follow are grieving because Charlie Kirk was a close friend. 

And there are people in Minnesota who have a giant hole in their lives because of the death of the Hortmans.

And there was another shooting in Minnesota recently where two kids were murdered by a shooter.

So there is a lot of grief in this world. Part of life is accepting that, and part of it is looking to the future, when every tear will be wiped away in Heaven with our Lord.

Charlie Kirk

 My last blog post was September 10th, and a couple of hours after I wrote it, I learned that Charlie Kirk, a young and very influential conservative, had been shot. A couple of hours later, I learned that he had died.

One of our kids came home from work near tears, and asked me, "Is he going to be all right?"  I said no, he had died, and we clung together and wept.

Now I haven't even followed Charlie Kirk that closely, but I have watched a number of his interactions with college students. He was doing a question and answer/debate thing in Utah at a college when he was assassinated.

I liked him so much, and my kids did to, and even now, days later, I feel a heaviness in my soul about the whole thing.

I have tried to analyze that grief, because other horrible things have happened in the last months and years that didn't cause this level of sorrow on my part. Not long ago, a nut shot up a Catholic church and killed two children and wounded a bunch of others. Two Minnesota lawmakers and their spouses were shot by a crazy person in the not too distant past and one couple died and the others were wounded.

Just a day or two before Kirk's killing, a young Ukrainian woman was murdered on the train by a crazy person.

I think the reason it hits so hard is that I have watched Charlie Kirk on video so I don't know him, but I kind of do know him. I have pictures of the Ukrainian girl murdered, and the kids murdered at the Catholic church, but I didn't hear them speak. I didn't see them move around on screen. I didn't see them full of life.

Also, since I have children, and am prone to anxiety, I deliberately do not do deep dives into news on killings of children because it will freak me out. I do not need to add fuel to fear.

Anyway. Charlie Kirk is dead, leaving behind a young wife and two little kids who will not understand why Daddy is never coming home again.

He was a really good guy, but the sad thing is that many people on the far left have taken his words out of context and twisted them and called him a Nazi which is the dumbest thing ever, along with being evil.

I watched a vignette yesterday when he interacted with a trans female (so born male) and the young person was saying he wasn't too sure about his life and wondered about Charlie's view on it. Charlie was very kind and asked gentle questions and finally said, "I won't tell you what to do with your life, but I think you would be happier if you lived as a male." The person said, thanks, and that was it.

Oh, one thing this person DID say was that he had been put on puberty blockers at age 11. That is SO young to be going on long term drugs...

Anyway, he was a good guy, and yet I keep seeing these posts where people are taking little snippets out of context to paint him as evil.

I also am heartbroken for the murderer. Assuming they got the right guy, he is very young, like early 20's, and he has taken a life, and is gonna go to jail or be executed. That is so sad. And his parents! It seems his father figured out what his son had done and told other people and his son was arrested.

There is a book I read many years ago by Carol Kent called When I Lay My Isaac Down. She and her husband had one child, a son, and their son stalked and murdered his wife's ex husband. Assuming the son is still alive, he is in Florida in prison for the rest of his life.

The thought of having a child who murdered someone else...

The thought of a child who has ruined his life and that of many other people...

So sad. I am praying for the killer and his family. And the Kirks and their family and friends.

One thing that keeps popping up on Facebook is that we should never rejoice in the death of another human being.

I remember that when Osama Bin Laden died, I was glad, because he was an evil terrorist. But even then, I was sad that he never knew Jesus as Lord, and that he had lived such a terrible life. I felt sorry for his children, who had such a violent father. I mean, I don't know if he was a good father to his kids, but he was one of the masterminds behind the September 11th attacks on the USA. So it was a war, and Osama Bin Laden was a leader, and I think it was definitely a righteous attack that took his life.

There is a difference between a single person assassinating someone they disagree with, and a country taking steps against the leader of an enemy organization.

Anyway, I obviously have lots of roiling thoughts about this. But the basic truth is that the whole thing is terrible and sad.

Post Election

 Before I talk about the election, I have sad news. Our random rooster died at the teeth of some predator. Poor Cogburn. Chickens are generally stupid and he lasted months, which was surprising, really. But yeah, something got him a few days ago. We will miss him.

Ok, the election. Obviously Trump won.

I am a conservative and so I voted for Trump and I am happy that he won.

I know lots of people, including some people I love very much, have VERY different views of the matter, and are very sad that Kamala Harris lost.

When I was considering the available information on Monday night, with the polls supposedly tight as tight in the swing states, I was frankly confused. I thought it SHOULD be a Trump landslide, not necessarily because of Harris's deficiencies as a candidate, but because she is VP during a time in American history where inflation has been high and people are nervous about bills and groceries and all that.

Historically, when the American people think the nation is "on the wrong track" in large numbers, they vote out the party in power. Presidents have a lot of power, but still, life happens -- the COVID pandemic caused a lot of trouble and while I definitely did not approve of many of Biden's decisions, I am aware that the troubles of our country cannot all be heaped on his shoulders. But people look at their own lives and if things aren't going well, they tend to vote for a "change" candidate, and while Harris tried to make herself out as a change candidate, it was hard for her to do so given that she is the VP at the moment.

The whole thing was a mess for Democrats in other ways, of course, given that Biden stepped out of the race only a few months ago. Now I would argue that was a mistake on the part of the party; the man is obviously declining mentally, and shouldn't have tried to run again. But I also have sympathy for the situation. He IS the sitting president. And people with dementia often don't know they HAVE dementia. How do you tell someone who is the most powerful man in the world that he should NOT run again for President?

As for Harris, I am confident she is an intelligent person with many gifts, but she is not, frankly, a gifted speaker. She repeated herself a lot, and there were the word salads, and she just didn't connect well with a lot of "normal folks". I understand she talked at one point about how much she loves Venn diagrams. I love them too! They are so awesome! But apparently Venn diagrams leave most people cold.

One thing that is undeniably true is that people are individuals. Yes, black men OFTEN vote like other black men, and women with college degrees vote like other women with college degrees, but not everyone thinks the same way within the blocs. I am a highly educated white woman who would never, ever, ever, ever, ever vote for Kamala Harris because a huge part of her message was abortion rights, and I HATE abortion. I hate it. It breaks my heart. To be clear, I recognize there are rare occasions when abortion is the only viable option, like life of the mother, but in general, I think it horrific, and the one thing that Harris was very clear on was her defense of abortion, up to and including post birth. I mean, it is happening in Minnesota. Babies have survived abortion and been left to die, and Walz, her running mate, signed a bill so that medical people don't have to tell anyone if an infant survives abortion and is left to die. So we don't know how many almost full term babies are dying post birth in Minnesota. Now I think a life is a life is a life regardless of gestational age, BUT that is infanticide. That is carrying a baby somewhere and leaving him or her to die. It is another level of evil.

One of the vibes from the Democrats was that women should vote for Harris because she is a woman, and we should want one of "our own" to be in the White House.

I have no problem with a female president. Maybe in my lifetime, there will be a female president. But by God, I will NOT vote for someone MERELY because she is female, or black or whatever. We are talking about literally the most important job in the entire world, and we need someone who can do the job. I think Trump can, nor will he be a dictator.  Lots of people hate his guts. I get that. I respect that. If people voted for Harris because she was NOT Trump, I understand.

In my case, I would have preferred a different Republican, but I was never going to vote Harris and I think Trump will do a good job.

So yeah. I am going to pray for our nation and that our government can do the right thing. And I'm going to focus on the most important thing, which is my job as wife and mom and child of God.

Rambling Thoughts on a Tuesday

 I am writing a new book because that is what authors do.  They write. This one is going rather slowly because life is busy; this week involves a number of doctor and orthodontic appointments. But the key is to keep on keeping on.

I have said before that I am a pantser. I get an idea for a story and I just start writing it and my brain comes up with the next bits as I write. It is really cool, and a gift from God, that I can do this. I am grateful. Our books continue to be very well received which is so sweet. I know I am not writing great literature. My books are fun and mostly mellow. Romance readers tend to read a lot and they like my books, which makes me happy. I will also say here that I am very careful to keep them clean and sweet; no steamy sex scenes in my books!

We have had a minor illness for more than a week now. Yesterday I was tilting my head and pulled something in my neck. Ouch. It isn't terrible but it is annoying.

I read part of an article a couple of days ago which keeps bothering me. A woman wrote an article for the Washington Post describing how she married young (21 or so) and had three kids in a few years and then one day decided she wasn't happy and insisted on divorcing her husband. Her husband was, apparently, a perfectly pleasant man, not abusive, faithful, hard working, etc. She wanted more. So she broke up her family and she had absolutely no shame about it. She "wasn't happy" and didn't give a rip about her small children (the eldest was 5) being thrown into a broken home.

I find it very upsetting because divorce causes long term scars in children. I am NOT saying that divorce is always wrong; there are times when divorce is the best of bad options. In cases of abuse and cheating and abandonment, it may be the right thing to do. But this woman just decided she wasn't happy, and she bailed.

She is still caring for her kids half of the time but still...it is hard on kids when their parents aren't together. There have been studies showing that kids don't just shake it off. It causes permanent effects.

And yet, her viewpoint is perfectly reasonable from the perspective of someone who doesn't believe in a God who reigns and rules. If this life is all there is, than "being happy" is the most important thing. I guess?

So it is sad but not surprising.

I have been thinking too about how parenting is a long haul, and especially when a couple has nine kids and their youngest in their mid 40's!

I am 54 and Rose is 9! 

Rose deserves a diligent mother and father, and Kevin and I often pray for wisdom and the ability to do what we should do with our time and energy.

I have a couple of homeschooling books written by a very intelligent woman who was the youngest of six children; she was strong willed, and her parents were tired, and she went off the rails in her 20's.

Now, kids can go off the rails regardless of parenting, that is for sure! However, she says her parents were too tired to discipline her properly and that was NOT good for her.

So yes, I am trying to be as diligent in guiding and loving Rose as I was with Naomi, in spite of being 15 years older now than when Naomi was 9!

Life is way easier in some ways, of course; no babies, no toddlers trying to damage themselves by climbing on the chandeliers.

Well, I should go wake up the children who are still sleeping. This illness makes people tired, but it is 10:30 a.m.

Science

 Ok, a few more thoughts on global warming, or climate change.

So I have read a bit more of the Politically Incorrect Guide to Climate Change.

I am more and more convinced that the governments and scientific establishment have gone completely bonkers in deciding that human created CO2 is what is going to cause us all to be warmed into extinction.

Now to back up a bit. Let me talk science.

I am a scientist, legit.  I have Ph.D. in materials science and engineering. So does Kevin.

Now, as a scientist, I would say I have more knowledge of science than most people. I mean, I spent almost 10 long years in college studying science.

Ok, this is HUGE!

Different  branches of science are ... different.

Take materials science and engineering. We work with materials. We mix different elements to get new materials, or we mix plastics and metals, or plastics and ceramics, or metals and ceramics, and so on and so forth...

The thing about materials science is that a lot of the basic research can be done quite easily in the laboratory. Someone is studying, say, nickel alloys and corrosion resistance. She (yes, there are plenty of female engineers) might decide to add, say, vanadium to nickel progressively and see the effect on hardness and corrosion resistance.

So maybe one pellet is all nickel, and the next pellet is 99 percent nickel and 1 percent vanadium, and the next is 2 percent vanadium and she heats them all up in a furnace at 1000 degrees Celcius for two days and studies the results.

The point is that in this scenario, and in many other materials and chemistry and electrical engineering scenarios, it is pretty easy to control variables.  You make everything the same except ONE variable, and you can be pretty sure that any changes in the results are directly caused by the variable. (Even then  you have to be careful because sometimes there is some rogue problem, like a furnace misbehaving.)

Now let us think about climate science.

Wow.

Talk about complicated!  A whole WORLD! Whose heat is from the SUN, which also changes. Did you know that Jupiter actually effects earth's orbit a bit?

Sunspot activity is another factor.

If you look into history, the world has experienced similarly warm temperatures to now. There was a Medieval Warm Period from about 950 AD to 1250 AD. During that time, Greenland was so warm, so free of ice, that it was possible to grow barley and corn on Greenland!

Obviously CO2 from humans wasn't a problem back then!

Then came the little ice age, and Greenland got colder, and people couldn't farm much there.

So obviously the earth has gone through great shifts in climate even in the last two thousand years.

Did you know that in the last couple of decades, the ice sheet in Antarctica has expanded?

Anyway, my point is this. Climate is INCREDIBLY complicated. People try to pin increasing temperatures on CO2, and furthermore claim that the CO2 made by PEOPLE is causing warming.

I say that the data is NOT there. There are too many variables.

Not to say that we should not TRY to figure it out. When you can't control all the variables, you can still do models and that kind of thing.

But the global warming alarmists are, truthfully, faking evidence, and that is not Ok.

Look up the famous hockey stick graph promulgated by Penn State professor Michael Mann.

The dude seriously messed with the data to make it look the way it does.

I mean, he faked it.

He totally ignored the Medieval Warm Period, where temps were hotter than they are now.

You... can't do that. I mean, you can. He did. His work had an incredible amount of influence on the decisions of a great many councils and governments.

And he FAKED THE DATA.

Outrageous.

The truth is, we as humans are probably affecting the climate. I mean, we are building skyscrapers and putting down pavement. 

But why is it CO2 we are obsessing about?  There are so many other possible variables. And frankly, there is zero raw data that rising CO2 levels are causing rising temperatures. Because people keep fudging the data in various nefarious ways.

So yeah, I am not worried about it at all.

And I am really annoyed at scientists who are putting ideology and money over true science.

Having said that, I get it. You don't get money from governments by saying, "Oh, we are worried that rising CO2 levels MIGHT impact temperature so we want to study it."

No, you say, "The world will end soon if we don't stop CO2 levels rising! Give us money!"

It is the way of the world. Sadly.

Thoughts on Science

 

So I have been reading this book, the Politically Incorrect Guide to Climate Change by Marc Morano, who is famed as a "climate skeptic" or a "climate denier".

So, a little background. For many years, when anyone has mentioned man made climate change based on increasing levels of carbon dioxide, I have said that I am skeptical that it is true, but that I am not sure because I haven't made time for a deep dive into the subject.

I wouldn't say that I am currently taking a deep dive. It is more of a shallow dive. But I am making the time to study the topic a bit.

I am leaning more heavily to being a skeptic based on the book I am reading. Of course, if I read books by the people who claim that, without a doubt, humans are causing global warming due to increasing CO2 levels, I might think differently?

But probably not, because of my training and my personality.

So here is the thing. I spent almost ten years in college -- four years as an undergraduate student, and almost six as a graduate student. The truth is that scientific experiments, and theories, and models, all have people behind them.

And no one, anywhere, is a computer. We all carry our biases into our work. The truth is that climate change is super super complex.  We are not talking about something that can be studied in a laboratory.  This is in contrast to some issues in science.  As a materials science, if I want to study the effect of chromium on the hardness and oxidation resistance of steel, I can do experiments where I make up steel with increasing levels of chromium and study it.  It is a laboratory problem, so to speak.

Now with climate change we are not talking about something that can be studied in the lab, where we can control variables.  And the number of variables is awe inspiring.  Carbon dioxide levels, and sunspot activity, and volcanic activity, and a whole lot more.

Now, that doesn't mean we don't try to figure out what is going on.  There are other very complex systems which people are doing their best to evaluate by making models and so on and so forth.

But I think people need to be humble about their understanding of complex scientific issues like climate change, and many people are not.

This book claims, and I think it is undoubtedly true, that the so called "97% of scientists believe that carbon dioxide caused by humans is driving global warming" is totally grabbed out of the air. There are a great many climatologists and meteorologists who disagree, way way more than 3 out of 100.

There is so much money involved in this issue, and that frankly makes me even more skeptical.  Bobby Broccoli is a fascinating youtuber who has these amazing documentaries about science fakers.  One guy faked finding a new element. Another faked superconductivity in his experiments. A Korean scientist claimed that he had managed to clone human cells and that turned out to be a total fake.

Why did they do these things? For fame.  For fortune.  For both.

Scientists are people too.  They tend to gravitate toward where the money is. There is a ton of money in renewable energy and the like.  Furthermore, sometimes a person wants something to match his or her theory so much that she throws out any data which doesn't agree with their theory.

I have always been a very honest person. Now I have lied in the past because I wanted to stay out of trouble, or whatever, but in general, I have a black and white view on lying.  (To be clear, there are times when lying is right. I think of the Ten Boom family, who lied about the presence of Jews in their house during the Nazi occupation of Holland.)

But in general, I don't lie and I don't like lies, even white lies.  So Kevin and I told our kids from the time of conception that Santa Claus is pretend. My own parents told me Santa Clause is pretend, and I am very grateful for that!

So what is going on with global warming?  I think that well meaning people think that the earth is going to burn up if we don't stop carbon emissions and therefore are fudging the data to make things look like a slam dunk.

Which frankly outrages me because it isn't right to fudge data when lots of people are affected poorly.

And they are!  Definitely renewable energy like solar and wind power is good, BUT the technology isn't developed enough yet to reduce our use of petroleum products a great deal.

I don't think it is first world countries that will suffer all that much, but third world. If Nigeria and Chad and Kenya are strong armed into reducing emissions, then they may not be able to dig wells, and provide electricity to hospitals, and that kind of thing. 

This whole issue of global climate change is obviously terrifying to poor Greta Thunberg, who is convinced we really are going to die from global warming.  Many other kids are super worried too.  And the message is -- if we don't do something now, we are all going to die!

But I don't think the data supports that.  As recently as the 1970's, in fact, the message was that we were headed for an ice age and were all going to die from famine.

So yes, I think that the alarmists are fudging the data and showing a very one sided picture, and frankly are absurd to fixate on carbon dioxide emissions when there are countless other factors which affect climate.

I do intend to keep studying the topic, so maybe I'll change my mind.  Maybe.

 

Science Stuff

 I love science.  I LOVE IT!

Cue evil laugh!

Except, wait, I am not an evil mad scientist.  I am a homeschooling mother of nine children and am thankful that at least a couple of the kids so far are excited about science.

Isaac is toiling away on a materials science degree and every once in awhile, we get to talk about fun things like phase diagrams. I really enjoy phase diagrams.  Which makes me super weird, I know.

Anyway...

So I am a Christian and I love Jesus more than I love science.

Which is a good thing, because Jesus is my Lord and Savior, and science is a way of understanding the world that God created.

I am currently working through a sermon series by a Ph.D. level astrophysicist named Hugh Ross. It is fascinating stuff.  He is a Christian and also an enthusiastic scientist.

He is an "Old Earth Creationist" and so am I.  He contends that the creation days in Genesis 1 refer to not 24 hour days, but epochs.  The Hebrew word dovetails nicely for that contention, and furthermore, even the English "day" does not always mean a 24 hour day. 

In my grandfather's day, for example -- referring to a time in the past.

He does not believe in macroevolution and claims, very convincingly, that the fossil record does not support macroevolution.

I have known that for awhile.  Darwin suggested there would be a tree of life, so to speak, where very simple organisms grew more complex and those would branch and become more complex, and so on and so forth.

Actually the fossil record shows very different results.  There was the Cambrian Explosion some 545 million years ago where in older rock layers, the only fossils are of simple organisms. Then, bang, a whole bunch of animals appeared in the fossil records quite suddenly.

Hugh Ross explains it all much better than I do.  He has written several books that I find fascinating.

I do sometimes struggle with life and how hard it can be. I appreciate that science helps undergird my faith.  The anthropic principle (the physical constants in the universe are perfect for the existence of complex life forms) , the fact that life coming from no life without a Creator seems impossible,  the incredible complexity of life NOW...

I mean wow, humans are amazing and flies are amazing and spiders are amazing.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diving_bell_spider

Look up the diving bell spider.  Its behavior is ridiculous from a naturalistic perspective, or at least I think so.  How did it figure out how to do what it did? So many things have to be just right to let it do its thing! 

Anyway. I love science, and even more, I love my Creator, my Lord, and my God, who thankfully loves me in return.

I Love Jesus

 Life is very busy for us for obvious reasons.  Kids, and cooking, and housework, and errands, and Kevin's job, and exercise, and sleep, and so on and so forth...

It is easy for me to lose perspective.

 I am a devout, enthusiastic, committed evangelical Christian and have been for many years.  

Jesus Christ is my Savior and my Lord.  I believe that Jesus was born of the Virgin Mary and grew up fully human, even as he is fully God.

I believe that I am a sinner, whose sins are so great that I cannot enter Heaven based on my own merits.

I believe Jesus voluntarily went to the cross and died a terrible death as a sacrifice for my sins.

I believe that I am saved by the shed blood of Christ, not because of my own "goodness".

I have many things to do in life that are my job.  I need to be a good wife and a good mother.  I need to be faithful in completing my tasks.  They are important.

But I also have to remind myself, often, that the most important things in life are spiritual.

Mark 8:36

What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?

I pray a lot for wisdom.  A lot a lot a lot. It is so easy to get swayed by the busyness of life, or by personal preference, to not do what God really wants me to do. Maybe I'm unusual in that way.  I don't know.

I do know that I love projects and I love completing projects but people are more important, especially the people God has entrusted to me -- Kevin, my husband, and the nine children, who need me.

I love you, Lord  Jesus.  Continue to give me wisdom and strength to do what you want me to do.

Sickness

 I am pretty sick.  It isn't a big deal. It is just a cold.  But I am coping with mild asthma, which only pops its ugly head when I am sick with a respiratory illness.

So the last few days I have been lying around a lot. Now that isn't a big deal.  I have older kids who can help with younger kids, and Kevin is my hero always.  So the house isn't falling apart.

But I am frustrated.  I have a lot to do around the house and I want to get back to my writing, and so on, and so forth...

I am whiny.  

And yet...Saturday, when the girls moved, I was in pretty good shape even though Friday was bad. It was a hot day and the girls moved into a 3 story apartment.  I was able to climb up and down stairs with boxes all day and my asthma wasn't bad at all.  

Their new apartment is very nice, by the way.  But the third floor was definitely tiring!

Anyway, we got them  moved, and Sunday I was well enough to go to church, which was also awesome, and Monday I woke up coughing and asthmatic and Tuesday the same, and today, well, so far so good. The biggest issue is talking.  If I talk, I cough, and if I cough, my asthma flares up. So it has been "quiet Mom" for a couple of days.

I do think I am getting better but it is slow going. So annoying!

I take feeling well for granted. I take being able to do stuff for granted.

I have a friend who is only a couple years older than me who is battling cancer. I have an acquaintance at least 20 years younger than me who has cancer and has been battling it for literally a decade.

I should be...I AM...thankful for good health most of the time.

A big part of it is that I don't think I am pulling my own weight, because I am not, but actually I am, because I am sick, so I am doing the best I can.

Anyway.

I am sure I will be better soon.

Ukraine and Other Deep Thoughts

 So obviously what is happening in Ukraine is tragic.  On one hand, with a real war  splashed across every news screen, with inflation and gas prices rising rapidly, it seems kind of ridiculous to work on sorting socks and giving away homeschool material as described in the last post.

But...

I can't do anything about Ukraine except pray, and I have been.

I can't fix the high gas prices.  I can worry, but that doesn't help anything.

I have long been prone to anxiety so I have learned not to feed it by focusing heavily on scary news.  I do look at headlines and I do pray, but I don't deep dive into information that will just make me afraid and unable to function well.

I have important jobs at home to be a good wife and mother.  The children need to be educated, and the meals need to be made, and so on, and so forth.

I am a believer in Jesus Christ. I am an evangelical Christian who believes the Bible is true (though there are plenty of spots which can be interpreted as being symbolic, like Revelations and some of the prophecies.  Anyway...)

One of the things I struggle with is evil in the world.  So many people suffering from illness and persecution, from war and even genocide.

I think this is a common struggle for people.  There are those who have concluded atheism is the only reasonable response, with their argument being that if there was a God, He would make sure people wouldn't suffer so much.

Well, I know there is a God. I know it.  Intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, physically, I know there is a Creator God.

The universe is just stupid, you know?  I mean stupid in the sense of being ridiculous.  The physical constants are just right to allow for large, intelligent life like us.  I mean, the constants are so finely tuned that there is no way it just happened by chance.

I believe in the Big Bang, and it is ridiculous too. So finely tuned to allow for a universe where an Earth that supports humans can exist.

Not to mention that the Big Bang includes a ton of material in a tiny volume which then exploded, and where did that material come from?  Time started at some point.  At some point, the universe didn't exist.  So where did all that material come from without the Hand of God?

(For more information on this, Case for a Creator by Lee Strobel describes these issues.)

I have heard more than one person say things like:

1.  I would never believe in a God who allows children to die from wars or starvation or illness.

2. I would never believe in a God who sends people to hell.

3.  I would never believe in a God who says that extramarital sex is sinful.

And so on.

Here's the thing, we don't have to believe in God.  God gave us free will.

But we have very small brains compared to a Creator who made an entire galaxy.  

I don't like the reality of Hell. I don't like kids dying.  

But, I also know that I have a very limited perspective.  I am not God.  He is the King, and whatever He says, goes.   (That is a quote from the Veggietales Esther, which I find hilarious in the movie.  But TRUTH!)

As I've pontificated about before, cultures get wacky easily. I was reading this week about the Last Emperor of China, who was yanked away from his parents at age 2 to be the new Emperor, or the new heir to the Emperor. Something.  Since he was Emperor (or the heir), no one could tell him no.  Seriously had any of those people ever seen a toddler?  If there is one thing a toddler needs, it is someone to tell him NO!  Like, if he grabs a knife, or climbs on top of a tall cupboard, or whatever.

Apparently his wet nurse was the only person who could control him.

The man was a total sadist as an adult, though I think he did repent  of many of his actions at the end of his life.  But he was horribly mean to his servants.  

How did the Chinese culture get to the point where they thought yanking a toddler from his family, and never giving him discipline, and making him into some sort of god, was a good idea?

Wow.

So Jesus is God incarnate, and He came to earth in the womb of Mary, and he grew up and he taught and he healed and then he DIED.

Unpleasantly.  Crucifixion is a horrible way to die.  The Old Testament of the Bible, which was the First Covenant, required animal sacrifice to wash away sin.  Jesus was the final sacrifice.  I think that the blood debt would have been paid if they had just chopped his head off, which isn't a bad way to die.  Crucifixion is terrible.  

There is a lot more to unpack here but it helps me to realize that for all the pain and suffering in this world, Jesus experienced pain and suffering as well to save me, to save the people He loves, from our sins.

So yes, there is a great war in Ukraine and people are dying.  I grieve over it. God does too. Why doesn't He just leap in and fix it?  No idea.  But I AM NOT GOD.  I submit to the reality that I don't see the big picture.

For now, I will pray, and I will ask God to give me guidance, and I will do my work at home, and yes, I will write books, and I will read fun books, and I will take pleasure in life.  

God bless you, Ukraine.  And God bless you, Russia. I have no doubt many people are totally opposed to this war in Russia. It is sad for both countries' people.

Godliness with Contentment is Great Gain

1 Timothy 6

6But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 

So yes, I have been thinking a lot about contentment.

I have usually not been a content sort of person. And when I say content -- I don't mean about money.  I like money for security (that is another problematic issue) but it isn't like I want a bunch of stuff.  In actual fact, we do have a bunch of stuff.  Our house is kind of stuffed.  I mean, given that 9 people live here, that isn't surprising, and the floors are clear and the stuff fits in storage but still...

No, I will not give into a decluttering frenzy right now!

Anyway, my lack of contentment ties more into this feeling that I have projects that need completed.  I have a great many things on my plate, of course, with homeschooling seven children and keeping track of clothes for said children, and making sure meals are made, and the house is cleaned.  And then there is the publishing business.  I am closing in on finishing another book and that's on my mind.

Every spring I have to jump through hoops for College Credit Plus, which is a glorious program wherein high school students can go to college with the credits being paid by the State of Ohio. It is open to homeschooled, but the process does require attention and collection of various documents.  If I screw up, we don't get any money, so that puts some pressure on me.

So I have not yet found a place where I work hard on what needs done, while also remaining relaxed.  I tend to be uptight because oh this needs to be done, and that needs to be done...

And I am NOT content, because I have this big project hanging over me.

The last few days, my back has been killing me.  This is something left over from my COVID days or something; one of my last COVID symptoms was a horribly sore back. Since then, I have gotten viruses at least twice where, you guessed it, my back hurts a lot.  I am pretty sure I don't have COVID or anything -- I think that when I get a virus, my back gets hit.

Today is better. Two days ago, it hurt a lot to sit down and stand up. So I spent most of the day sitting and ordering kids around. It was mellow.  In spite of the pain, I felt mentally at peace because I wasn't forcing myself to run around doing stuff.

So yeah, I have done a lot of things in this life because I push myself. BUT I also feel anxious about projects.  (That is much diminished because I am taking Lexapro, so part of it is brain chemistry.)

I still long to be content, while also working diligently on what needs done.

So I will pray about it, and work toward it.

Godliness with contentment is great gain.

Cultures Get Squirrely Sometimes

 So this is something I think about a LOT!

Cultures get squirrely.

What do I mean by that?  I mean that sometimes most people in a culture heartily embrace something as sensible and wise and good and healthy when we can see, from our current perspective, that it is not.

Here is a very obvious example: foot binding.

In China, for many generations I believe, baby girls from wealthier families had their feet bound to prevent them from growing large.  Having tiny feet was considered beautiful.  Naturally, it hurt a lot for these girls to have their feet bound so tightly that their body couldn't grow normally. When they grew up, they were partially crippled and had to be assisted to do everything.

But it was normalized totally. It was accepted as good!  In fact, when the Chinese government forbade foot binding, there was a lot of pushback from families to the point that parents would try to hide their girls from the "foot police" so that they could continue binding their girls' feet. It was SO entrenched in the culture that they couldn't see how bad it was!

I would say corsets are similar; seriously, what kind of insanity is it when girls have their waists pinched so tightly they can't breathe well?

A bunch of our children are in orthodontia.  It is expensive.  Frankly, it is painful at times.  Angela had a major adjustment last week and for several days, her mouth and teeth were really sore.

And I found myself thinking -- Ok, we are spending a lot of money to straighten her teeth, which hurts.  Are we so different from parents who bound the feet of their girls?

The answer is, I think, a strong yes.  The reason she has orthodontia is because she inherited the genetics of some members of my family; narrow face, big overbite.  The result is that IF she didn't have orthodontia, her teeth would probably wear away over time and she would have tooth problems in middle age.  Also, her jaw might get messed up from the teeth not meeting properly.

However, it is also true that in American culture, straight teeth are considered attractive.  Even without the medical issues, there might be a strong argument for having orthodontia because it is easier to get jobs and even spouses if one has even, straight teeth.

But really, that kind of sucks.  I mean, if one's teeth WORK fine, and are a crooked, should it matter?

Should we spend tons of money to straighten teeth for merely cosmetic reasons?  Should we hurt our children for cosmetic reasons?

I find myself having a little more sympathy for crazy parents who encouraged corsets and foot binding. I still think it was bad, but when an entire culture embraces something it is hard to swim against the flow.  One worries, as a parent, that their children will have trouble if they don't act.

In our case, the decisions have been easier because there is a medical issue involved.  

By the way, I saw our orthodontist today and he said when he was done caring for Kendigs, he would retire.  It was a joke, but seriously, we have been very, very lucrative for him!

So far, we have had four children in orthodontia, and Miriam is starting soon, and Sarah will need it, and probably Rose as well.

We have vague hopes that Daniel will not. We will see!

Wow.

Life and Death

 

Pretty rainbow from a week ago.

We have been attending a particular church for a couple of years now, though we had at least six months off due to COVID-19 last year.  I think it was more, actually. The children's ministries just started up a few weeks ago, so we weren't all going for more than a year.

Yesterday I took the seven kids to church and Kevin stayed home.  Unfortunately, we don't all fit in our minivan so we have to drive two vehicles if we all want to go.

We walked into the foyer and I said hi to a kind and charming older gentleman who has been coming faithfully to church since we started attending, in spite of his very poor health.  We have always sat in one of the back rows because it is easier to take out noisy children that way, and ever since COVID began, he sat in a chair behind "our" row. So every week we were all around, we would chat briefly.

Part way through the service, a friend who is a medical professional rushed out of the sanctuary with another man, and I noticed that our elderly friend was gone.  When I went to use the bathroom, an ambulance was at the front door so I realized he had had some kind of health crisis.

At the end of the service, the pastor's wife came forward and whispered into the pastor's ear and the pastor, through tears, announced that the elderly man had died during the service.

So wow.  That's a first time for me!  Someone actually died in the building while I was attending church!

On one hand, it is very sad. There were a lot of grieving, weepy people after the service. On the other hand, I am pretty excited for the gentleman; his wife died a couple of years ago and I know he felt rotten much of the time.  He is with the Lord Jesus right now and free of the pains and aches of his earthly body.

It is weird how life just kind of goes on, because it has to, and then someone DIES and I am reminded that death will come to us all.

I am not a history expert, but it is fascinating to me that through much of history, rulers and kings and emperors and dictators and authorities have tried to force their subjects to embrace a particular religion.  Frankly, that seems nuts, especially the aforementioned leaders who were nominally Christians. I mean, as a Christian, I believe that God is all powerful. He is entirely capable of forcing people to trust and believe in Him. He hasn't.  He gives us free will. So trying to FORCE someone to be a Christian is demented and stupid and evil.  I actually think a lot of early "Christian" leaders weren't saved at all.  Religion was partially a way to control people and/or people were genuinely confused.  Lots of people in the Middle Ages had no clue what the Bible actually said, after all.  

Having said that, we are in an interesting place and time in history where in the United States, it is considered incredibly non politically correct to say that Christianity is "right" and other religions are "wrong.".  Most people think if you are a good person, you will go to Heaven if there is a Heaven.

That is totally NOT what Christianity teaches.  The Christian message is that every person on this earth is tainted by sin, and Jesus Christ, God Incarnate, came and lived and preached and died on a cross as a sacrifice for our sins. There is no one good enough to go to Heaven on their own merits, and no one so bad they cannot be forgiven.  

This is a pretty unpopular belief system!  So Muslims and Buddhists and Hindus are all lost?  Is that what Christians are saying?

Yes, that is what evangelical Christians are saying.

Frankly, I don't even like it very much.  I wish there was a way that "all roads led to Heaven" though logically that doesn't work.  Hitler was very sincere about his belief that murdering all the Jews was a good thing but do I want that sincerity to mean he is in Heaven enjoying eternity?

No, I don't.  Nor do I want the 9/11 hijackers enjoying their version of eternity. They were very sincere in their beliefs too, obviously, since they died in the process of hijacking planes and flying them into buildings.

Basically, I have realized that I am incredibly small and God is incredibly big and HE GETS TO DECIDE how life and death and eternity work out. The Bible is pretty clear -- all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by Jesus's death on the cross, IF they accept that sacrifice and make him Lord and Savior of their lives. 

Of course, I have many friends and acquaintances and family who do not believe the Bible is true.  God gives them the freedom to decide whether they believe that it is true or not.  Sadly, I do believe they will be separated from God for eternity if they die without faith in Christ.  I don't like that at all but again, I have to lean on the death of Christ for my sins (which shows God loves us a lot, because crucifixion is a horrid way to die) and that I'm not that smart.

So farewell, dear fellow brother in Christ, who is now with the Lord in Heaven above.

I will go around my days and my nights mostly normally because I have to; I mean, I've got stuff to do!  But it is a good reminder to me that you never know what will happen on any given day, and that I need to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus.

July 24th

 Isaac passed his driving test!  YEE HAW!

I am very proud of him.  He learned exclusively from Kevin and me because of COVID -- there weren't easy ways for him to get a few hours in with a certified instructor. Since he is over 18, he didn't NEED the time with a certified instructor, but probably the test would have been easier if he'd worked with someone like that. He is a careful driver and so are Kevin and I, but there are rules with testing that aren't obvious.  I mean, he got some points off for "taking turns too fast". In my view, he takes turns at just the right speed. So that kind of thing.

Here he is, the newly minted driver in the flesh.

The new book, The Golden Daffodil, is doing well on Amazon.  It is currently sitting at 4.6 stars out of 5, which is very very good. It is almost impossible to stay any higher than that because there are always trolls out there.  Part of being an author is being able to shrug off negative reviews.  I got a one star review this week which went on and on about how terrible the book was, and then ended with, "Overall, a simple and somewhat annoying read. Would not reread."

So a 1 star review usually means that this is one of the worst books on the planet, not "somewhat annoying" but of course the reviewer is free to say what he or she thinks. It is still frustrating because one star reviews pull down the overall ratings a lot.  But I am not really bothered because I am an experienced author.  It has to be hard for first time authors when they get reviews like that.

Most reviewers are very generous, actually.  Anything below a 4 star average on reviews usually means a really lousy book OR it is on some terribly controversial topic and a lot of people hate the subject matter.

Anyway.  We are happy the book is doing well.

I was thinking through homeschooling this week and how I always get stressed this time of year.  Since Isaac is 18 and going to college full time, I "only" have six kids I am legally homeschooling this year.

Only Six!  Ha ha ha ha ha!

I have been doing this for 16+ years now so I am very experienced. Having said that, it is hard work and stressful. Most homeschool moms find teaching their children a challenging prospect because it is a huge responsibility and we love our children to the moon and back, and don't want to fail them.

So of course the OBVIOUS question is, why homeschool at all?  There are fine public schools within easy bussing distance in most places.

The answer for us is a mixture of the divine and the practical. First, we believe God told us to homeschool, so we are.

Second, Kevin and I both more or less loathed our time in public school and don't want our kids stepping foot across the doors school building. That sounds dramatic. It is probably overly dramatic.  But honestly, when I think about school, when I even have to walk INTO a school, I usually feel sad.  I obviously didn't have a good time.  It wasn't all bad, but it ranged between mildly positive to very negative.  Probably my memories are skewed toward the negative.  I don't want to base my life off of bad memories, of course, but I can come up with plenty of reasons why public school isn't a good fit for our family so yeah, unless the Angel Gabriel visits me in a dream and tells me the children belong in ps, they will be home.

Kevin and I are both probably "gifted" in the technical sense, in the math and science arena, anyway.  We both have Ph.Ds in engineering, after all.  I read a book saying that gifted kids often struggle in school a lot because they get bored easily. I did. I was bored a lot, and so was Kevin. I am not blaming the teachers, who had to teach to the middle of the class -- of course they did!  But we would grasp a science or math concept immediately and then sit through hours of the teacher explaining it to the other students.  It sounds like a mild problem to be bored but it isn't.  It wasn't.  Hours and hours, days and days, weeks and weeks of sitting around with nothing of interest in the classroom.  I did enjoy my last couple of years in high school more because I was able to take higher level math and science courses and those were interesting.

I also loved books and reading and most of my classmates weren't interested.  Again, that's on me being weird, not on them, but I usually felt like a fish out of water and definitely not part of the crowd, and when you are a teenager, you want to belong.

I am confident this year will go well because every year has gone well. Our older kids have thrived in college in spite of Mom having numerous babies and surgeries and the like.  I am awed at how they have pursued their passions -- the girls are artists, Joseph is building mods online and getting paid (don't ask me to explain because I don't get it) and Isaac is trucking through Calculus 2 on his own.

It is a hard road to take in some ways, but a blessed one.  I am so thankful we live in a place and time when I can homeschool my children.  Of course, other families make different choices and that is TOTALLY reasonable. I LOVE that people have options.  Homeschooling definitely isn't a good fit for some families, and obviously public school isn't a fit for our family.  

Middle of July

 Groan, the summer is flying by on me!  It always does! How can it be the middle of July already??

I usually start school up at the beginning of August, and we spend that first month easing into a full schedule.  Joseph, who struggles with math, has been doing math all summer.  I have also been working with Rose on reading. She is 7 and doesn't read well at all yet.  If she was my first child, I would be freaking out, but she is my 9th and thus I am experienced enough to know she is fine.  Rose is extremely active and not inclined to sit for a long time, plus she is #9 and Mom is busy.  She is making steady progress, but she isn't fluent.

Isaac has been toiling away on Calculus 2 for several weeks, and Joseph is taking a one credit class at Clark State.  Neither has been bored this summer :-).

Actually, there isn't much boredom going on around here. With so built in playmates, people can usually find someone to hang out with and play board games or chat or swim.

Kevin found this stag beetle and captured it and took pictures of it before letting it go.

Miriam found a giant dandelion!

Rose is proud that she was climbing trees and asked me to take pictures. I hung out on the porch and encouraged her not to fall off, but I am pretty mellow about kids climbing trees.  I sometimes joke that they shouldn't break their arms because that would mean an ER trip and that is annoying, but I want them to run around and stay active.  I don't let them climb on the house though, as it is 30 feet high at its peak, with far fewer handholds!

Kevin and I published my latest book this week.  It is called The Golden Daffodil and is about a secret society of (mostly) women running around England doing good.  It is another Pride and Prejudice variation; all of my books have been.  Now I capable of writing something outside P and P and maybe I will, but so far people have loved my books and it is easier writing about established characters and locales.  I still am very busy with the kids, and they are my priority.

Isaac is taking his driving test this coming week and we are praying he passes.  He has two classes on site at Wright State this fall and I really don't want to have to drive him there. On the other hand, I am nervous about turning him loose because I always am.  Now that our older girls have been driving for years, I am much calmer.  Experience is helpful.  Isaac is pretty good; he is not reckless, which is great.

I keep praying for wisdom from God about how I spend my time. I am blessed to have time to spend; there are plenty of people on this planet who are toiling away for daily food.  Since it is a gift to have "free time", I want to be responsible with it.  I have fun, don't get me wrong, but I also want to balance my own hobbies and mindless TV watching with God's plan for me.  

The writing career has been a definite surprise.  My books are quite successful and now a significant money maker.  Kevin makes a lot as an engineer, which is a huge blessing because ... nine kids!  I joke that if he made far less, it would be easier for him to retire. As it is, it doesn't make sense for him to retire yet, especially because our health insurance is superb.  It is hard sometimes to decide how much time I spend writing; obviously, the faster I write, the faster I finish books and the faster I can publish.  BUT of course the family is more important than money.  So yes, it is a balance.

Having said all that, it is Saturday morning, which is special in our house because kids are allowed to play computer games until 10 a.m., and I am going to write!  

Musings on Andy Weir

 This is going to be kind of rambling, I suspect.

Andy Weir is a now very famous author who has published three books: the Martian, Artemis, and Project Hail Mary. 

He was a software engineer and total science nerd who wrote The Martian for fun and posted it free on his personal website.  He had written many other things before that, but The Martian was the most popular.   A bunch of people loved it (which is reasonable -- it is AWESOME) and asked him to put it into Kindle format. He did, priced it at 99 cents, and threw it up on Amazon.  It was enormously successful and a publishing house came calling and published it and it was a hit.  Then a movie was made from the book, which is also really good.

So I adore The Martian except for one thing, which is there is a lot of profanity. I don't like profanity. But it is such a wonderful book that I have read it several times and just skip over the profanity.  The basic idea is that an astronaut gets stranded on a Martian base in the near future and has to figure out how to survive while people on Earth struggle to rescue him.  The protagonist is funny and witty and so even though he faces life and death situations frequently, it isn't too heavy.

Weir wrote Artemis next and I read like one or two chapters and gave up because I really didn't like the main character.

THEN came Project Hail Mary, which was released in May.  Since it was destined to be a best seller, the Kindle version sells for $14.99.  I just can't handle that. I can't.  Wow.  Too much money for a book which I might have hated. Yes, I am cheap.  So I got in the queue to borrow it from the library and weeks later, I got it.  I read it this week. AND I LOVE IT.  It is so much fun, as much fun as the Martian but with way less profanity. The main character is a junior high science teacher turned astronaut who has to save the world, and Weir decided to make the guy less profane.  Which I appreciate a lot.

Anyhoo, I don't want to spoil the plot but will say that alien life forms are a big part of it.  The Martian is science fiction as is Project Hail Mary, but the latter is more "out there". We have sent probes to Mars, after all and know a lot about Mars; we have never sent a probe to a planet orbiting another star, so Weir had to be more inventive.  It is great fun and he worked on the science a lot.  Main character is very appealing.

One thing that pops up over and over is the concept of evolution. Of course. Because most scientists and science nerds believe in macro evolution.  By that, I mean that they believe life started somehow and evolved through millions and billions of years to get where we are now with people and many other animals and insects and reptiles and fish and hundreds of thousands of different kinds of plants.

I do not believe in macroevolution.  Now, smarter people than me do believe in macroevolution, and smarter people than me don't believe in it. I think it is not so much an intelligence issue as a world view issue.

I understand people believing in evolution. Most have been taught it is true in school, after all. But it does annoy me (a lot!) is that many scientists start with the following belief.

1.  There is no God, and therefore everything we see must be caused by natural processes.

No, just no.  Just no no no no no!  You don't START with an assumption that has not been investigated scientifically! In my view, there is every reason under the sun to believe in a Creator God because our world is too complex, our animals are too complex, our plants are too complex, WE are too complex to come about by chance! And the physical constants are insane in our universe! They are balanced so perfectly to permit life.  Every time I have a twinge of doubt about my Christian faith, I think about the universe and Earth and people, animals, and vegetation.  Because wow, we are truly amazing.

Case for a Creator by Lee Strobel is an awesome book that talks about all the ways that science points towards a Creator God.  

So it is a great book, Project Hail Mary, and also absurd in its own way, but that's fine.  It is tremendous fun.

  

Life Thoughts

 My personal family tree is a little odd looking.  My parents each have one sister, and neither sister has children.  So my two brothers and I were the only grandchildren on both sides of the family, and we have zero first cousins.

My parents have cousins and their cousins have children so I do have a variety of second and third cousins, and first cousins once removed. 

Anyway, I have a male second cousin (I think that is what he is, second cousin) who lives in Florida with his wife and family. His wife has three children from a previous marriage and then three children with my cousin.  One of the older girls was in a terrible car crash a few days ago and was very seriously injured. By the grace of God, she survived the accident and is making steady improvement, which is such a relief to everyone who cares about her!  Praise God!!

I have been thinking (again) about how easy it is for me to get caught up and stressed about things that are not THAT important.  I mean, if one of our kids was in a bad accident, nothing else would be really important. Suddenly, how he or she was doing would be everyone's priority.

I find myself stressing about a lot of little stuff -- bathroom closets and Rose's reading and college details.  These are things I need to manage and persevere with, or they will never get done. But somehow I need to find a way to be calm and relaxed while still getting them done.  In my younger years, anxiety propelled me to work hard -- fear of failure mostly.  I am a hard worker and have been for as long as I remember, but I shouldn't need anxiety to push me along.  I am not nearly as anxious as I used to be (thanks to prayer, counseling, and Lexapro) but some weeks are still difficult. This is one of those weeks, I think partly because I have so many things going on outside the home.  I took the three boys to the orthodontist on Monday and tomorrow, TOMORROW, I take ALL seven kids still at home to the dentist. I must be CRAZY :-).

But it will get done :-).

But then I think of sweet S. in a hospital struggling with major life changing injuries and I realize that all of this is important but not worth worrying about, if that makes sense.

Cucumbers

 I really like cucumbers a lot. They are also low carb so, yeah, good for a diabetic!

Until this year, I was always disappointed with store bought cucumbers in winter. They were inevitably mushy.  I hate mushy cucumbers.

We discovered that Sam's Club sells "baby cucumbers" that are excellent.  

What kind of crazy world do I live in where I can have cucumbers throughout the year? Good cucumbers???

What a blessing.

Thursday

 

1 Timothy 2:1-4 ESV

 

First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.

Like most people, I am not fond of uncertainty.  As of this moment, it seems almost certain that Joe Biden will be the next president of the United States but it isn't quite over yet so yes, we will see.

And I am disappointed since I don't like his political views, or those of his VP Harris.

Yesterday as I was trying not to be anxious, I remembered the verse above. What can I do, Laraba, about our country's future?  I can pray for our leaders.  I can do the job I am supposed to do, which is to raise my children to love God, serve him, and serve other people.  I am just a midwestern woman with a passel of children. I am not a world changer and I won't be.  There is no point in freaking out about a future I cannot change, but there is every reason to pray.

I am finishing up another Pride and Prejudice book; this one is called Darcy Sails After Her.  I have found that most of my books have themes; this particular one is about love and devotion, and recognizing that one cannot fix everything that is wrong around us.  We all have tasks and we all have seasons in our lives.  During one season we may be at home a lot (well -- that describes most of us through COVID-19!) and another season we might be singing worship on stage at church or feeding the homeless in the streets.

I am, I admit, quite passionate about this issue which is no doubt why it has popped up in my writing. There seems to be a general feeling in the Church of Jesus Christ that the only true way to serve Jesus is to serve within the church community. Simplistically, that seems right. Of course you have to serve God's children if you are a Christian?

But what if the children in question are YOUR children.  I have had littles ones for literally decades now.  Rose, who is 6, is not happy when Mama is gone a lot.  Balancing the needs of 9 children is like a tightrope.  There are days when my brain is whirling much of the morning with trying to help 9 kids with this and that.

If I tried to add on an outside ministry, I would neglect my primary calling during this season, which is my family. I am very certain of this.