Halfway to 90

I forgot to mention that I had a birthday recently, and I hit the big 4-5.

That isn't generally a "landmark" birthday but for some reason it does seem like a big deal to be halfway to 90.  I have always thought that 45 is middle age (even when I was a child) but 90 seems genuinely old. I might not make it to 90, so I might well be more than halfway through my life.

That's an odd thought.

Another odd thing is that I have a little baby.  I have friends my age who have grandchildren.  My best friend when I was a young child was born 2 weeks before me, had a baby in her teens, and has been a grandmother for at least 10 years.  I find it amazing that I'm 45 and have a tiny one.  God has such gloriously different plans for different people.

I've had some good talks with the children about God's plans for our lives, and how sometimes life is just plain challenging.  It is interesting to think about "what ifs".  What if we hadn't been able to have children, and we both were working full time?  Kevin has coworkers in just that situation -- they are both PhD level engineers, and they were not able to have children. I still chuckle inwardly about a little vignette from a few years ago which clearly showed the contrast in our lives.  Kevin went out to the parking lot after work and slid smoothly behind the wheel of his rusty, elderly Nissan Sentra (which I brought into the marriage.)  At the same time, his female coworker (the one who wasn't able to have kids) slid behind the wheel of her husband's Jaguar, which she had borrowed for the day.  They just have WAY more disposable income because they have 2 large incomes and no children to spend it on.

 Having said that, we have it far easier than MANY people and we are grateful.  Kevin earns a good salary, plenty for our large family to live on. But we have less than we would, obviously, if I worked full time.  Or if we'd only had 2 kids and they were going to school outside our home, I'd probably be working more hours than my current 4 or 5 hours a week, and we'd have a larger income.

 I wouldn't trade even one of our children for all the tea in China. I wouldn't trade these years of toddler tantrums and homeschooling and the care of infants for all the tea in China.  I feel stressed some days, but also incredibly, incredibly blessed.

We all need purpose in life.  Certainly plenty of people without kids have PLENTY of purpose.  God's plans for some is that they stay single or are married and childless.  But what would be the joy in making lots of money, maybe retire early, if we just sat around goofing off?

I'm so glad for our large family and for God's splendid purpose for our lives.  Yes, sometimes I'm tired, but that's cool.  God will give us the strength to do His will for us. Whatever that is.