Pondering Illness

Winter is our "sick" season.  When we first had Naomi, my memory is that we had a couple of good years where we weren't sick much. But since then, every winter we get sick and, it seems, stay sick.

Now, that may be perception more than truth.  I think a big part of our struggle is that we have a large family and it takes a LONG time for everyone to get an illness.  This winter hasn't been bad.  We've not had anything really nasty (unlike November 2009, when we all succumbed to swine flu.)  Right now, we have a cold.  It's just a cold, not even a big cold. We've been mostly functional.

The kids who got it seem to be over it.  Kevin and I had it for a few days. Kevin took off Monday. I was really exhausted Sunday and Monday, but not as sick as Kevin so he rested and I tried to keep the kids occupied and quiet.  That is our unspoken rule, that the sicker parent gets to rest.  Back when I got swine flue, Kevin was nobly shouldering tremendous responsibility for 2 long weeks as I couldn't get out of bed.

I think the hardest thing about the long term minor illnesses is that we feel tied down.  I try not to expose other people to our illnesses and young ones are particularly bad about coughing on other people or otherwise sharing germs. 

We've not been to church in 3 weeks.  I was hopeful about Sunday.  As I said, the children seem well.  But...Saturday  I woke up with a minor sore throat, then Sunday I woke up feeling quite sick.  Kevin wasn't feeling well either.  If it was JUST me, all by my lonesome, I could tackle church. I can be trusted not to spread germs copiously.  But to take all 7 kids is a fair amount of work.  I'm prone to asthma during respiratory illness, and I've felt just a bit asthmatic off and on the last couple of days.  I'm 19 weeks pregnant.  Is pushing myself a good idea?  No, it is not.  Sigh.  So we stayed home.

When I was young and single, I pushed myself physically often.  During graduate school, there were seasons when I worked 16 hour days.  3 times I went out to the West Coast to work on a synchrotron and we had a beamline 24 hours a day. Now, several grad students shared that time, but I would be working in the wee hours frequently. 

I had a feeling that I could just use mind over matter and my body would cooperate. If I was determined, I could do whatever I thought I should. That turned out to not be true.  I had preterm labor with our 2nd, and I think it was partially caused by trying to do too much.

So now I think a lot about margin -- physical, mental, emotional.  In general, I try not to push myself to my limits.  Sometimes life interferes and I have to run at 110% for a short time. But I make a point of looking for ways to get the rest I need, to steward my limited resources so I can do what God calls me to do.

One of the reasons we live quiet lives is that I know that I am weak.  I don't have the emotional or physical energy to take the children to a myriad of activities, AND homeschool, AND nurture a baby in the womb, AND keep the house clean, etc. etc.

And that's Ok.  God is infinitely powerful. I am not. He knows that. I can trust that I can do what HE wants me to do.