A Controversial Post About Working Mothers

I usually keep my blog posts quite light but I have something on my heart. And yes, I might step on some toes.

The topic is... Working Mothers.  So, you are prewarned and don't need to read further if you don't want to (of course!)

Lydia and I were at physical therapy this week so she could have her stitches out and do some PT for her finger.

The PT who worked with Lydia is a pleasant lady who is probably in her 50's. Her kids are grown. She mentioned that she was 7th of 8 children, so she was obviously from a large family.  I asked her if any of the 8 children had really large families and she said, "No, the most any of us had was 4 kids."  Well, 4 is a pretty large family for this day and age.  This PT had 2 kids.

But this is what she said that really made me think...she said, "I think our parents raised us to be independent people so none of us (siblings) wanted to stay home" (with their children.)  She also said, in what seemed to me a disparaging way, that her own mother didn't work outside the home until the youngest children were in high school.

That remark rubbed me the wrong way though from the tone, I don't think that she was in any way trying to be insulting.  AND...it really isn't fair to guess at all her views on motherhood and working based on a few sentences.  It may be that if we talked at length, her views would be more in line with mine.

But let me analyze her statement at face value, because I've heard and read similar sentiments.

 "None of us (siblings) wanted to stay home." (with our children.)

That bothers me.

Because I don't think a parent's decision to work or not to work outside the home should be based on "what I want."  It should ALL be about what is best for the FAMILY.

I am not saying it is wrong for both parents to work. There are times when both parents SHOULD work. There are times when finances require it, or both parents feel it is best for the family for a variety of reasons.  Sometimes the father has major health problems and the mother needs to work to support the family. Sometimes a mom has special gifts and is called to serve a larger community (a physician in an emergency scenario comes to mind!)

And of course, many mothers are single mothers due to widowhood, abandonment, divorce, or separation.  Working may be necessary in those instances.

  But just plain old "I don't feel like staying home with my children" doesn't really cut it for me.

As I've shared before, I work outside the home around 5 hours a week. Obviously, that is not much.  The job is a dream job on many levels in that it pays well and is very flexible. I know many women don't have any kind of option like I do.

I also know my job isn't nearly as stressful as a full time job. Everyone knows that I'm not around much so I don't have lots of responsibility.

Having said all that, work is way easier than home in some ways. I talk to adults, there are no messes on the floor or diapers to be changed, and I can engage in adult conversation.

To be totally clear... I don't want to work full time. I am extremely thankful I don't NEED to work full time.  I love our kids. I adore our kids. I am honored to spend time with them, and know that I am providing a real service to them by being available, by keeping the house running smoothly, by cooking for them, for helping them grow and learn.

I know I also serve Kevin by caring well for our children and taking care of a myriad of daily tasks.

But my major point is this.  Kevin and I decided I should stay home because we felt it was best for our family life.  That's the major issue.  If I would rather work outside the home full time -- so what?  Life is not all about "following my dreams" and being "personally fulfilled."  Being married and having children means willingly sacrificing.  As I said, I am (usually) very content at home but that doesn't mean it is always easy here.  It is not.

And on the other side of things, Kevin has sacrificed by working full time at a job that isn't always 100% fulfilling.  There are many voices in this culture saying that a working man should be fulfilled and enjoy his job.  There are times when Kevin enjoys his job, and other times when he does not.  He went through a patch in the last year that was not enjoyable at all.

But to Kevin's very great credit, his motive for working isn't personal fulfillment, it is serving me and the children.  He makes a good salary and we have great health insurance and he isn't required to travel every week and he doesn't need to work tons of overtime.  All those are very good things for a husband and father.

To reiterate, I don't know all of this PT's views on marriage and motherhood and working.  I know I don't.  I'm just addressing what I think is a cultural fallacy -- that doing what "I want" is the major goal of life.  It should not be.