I have always been thin, and in that totally irritating way that probably has annoyed scores of friends.
Because, ya know, we live in a culture which celebrates being thin. And my whole life I stayed thin without much effort.
Now I haven't eaten anything I wanted since I managed to become diabetic in the middle of all this thinness, so I've been eating low carb for 14 years. But yeah, in the midst of a restrictive diet I still ate plenty and stayed thin. I lost weight easily post partum.
But I was thin, by gum.
It has been probably 18 months since I started taking Lexapro for anxiety and my weight has been climbing since then. I'm up almost 15 lbs. now.
I have said, and thought I believed, that the important thing in life is not how much I weigh, but how healthy I am. But the actual reality of being a bit chunkier has been harder than I realized.
In the last couple of months I have ramped up my exercising. I am actually lifting weights some, and doing other strength and core exercises. I have been able to do 3, count them THREE, push-ups. Which really is a major accomplishment as I couldn't do a single one 2 months ago.
And yet, the weight keeps inching upwards.
It is really pretty easy to gain weight in this culture, isn't it? I am wondering if my constant anxiety and adrenaline rushes meant my metabolism was ramped up a lot before Lexapro?
Or maybe I got to be in my late 40's and my metabolism finally slowed down?
I'll keep working at being healthy, but I really am trying to embrace that my weight may be higher and that is fine. It is better than fine. I'm going to focus on cardiovascular health and strong(er) muscles and eating well and not worry about the weight.
Because it really shouldn't matter. But in this culture, it does and it takes hard work not to worry about it.